So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
