Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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