dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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