The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
