Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
