I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
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