I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You may now shotgun with the bride
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
