Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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