Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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