There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
