so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize