he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
