Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
