so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
