Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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