Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
