We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
