Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
