I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
