you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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