white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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