She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
