actually, I'm a sock model
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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