Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
