I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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