i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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