Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
