morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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