the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
