how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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