I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
