That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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