my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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