Cold hands, warm shart.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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