Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
4 words: hood of his car
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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