ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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