How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
