No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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