At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
