"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
