Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
