she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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