I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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