Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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