You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
