i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
