I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
