i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize