my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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