You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
