i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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