She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
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And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
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I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick