Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.