where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba