hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits