Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
