Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
