dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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