and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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