I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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