does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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