Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
