He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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