i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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