When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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