Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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