I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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