I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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