I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
