So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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