You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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