so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
