I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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