why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
