wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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