Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
