I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
