worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
