fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
