Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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